Joe Biden Has Been Rushed To Walter Reed Medical Center With A Case Of The Zoomies

Joe Biden Has Been Rushed To Walter Reed Medical Center With A Case Of The Zoomies

M. Swift No Comments

Please hold Joe Biden and his household in your ideas and prayers at present, as our nation’s commander in chief is presently receiving therapy following a critical well being scare: President Biden has been rushed to the Walter Reed Medical Heart with a case of the zoomies. 

Keep robust, Joe. 

In response to an official assertion, White Home aides first seen one thing was off throughout the president’s every day briefing, when Biden started exhibiting bursts of explosive vitality, frantically zipping across the convention desk and spinning in circles. Although Biden insisted he felt superb, his signs worsened because the day progressed, reportedly leaping over couches within the Oval Workplace and repeatedly sprinting in sharp determine eights across the furnishings together with his tongue wagging fortunately, often stopping on a dime to smell one thing within the carpet earlier than dashing off once more with renewed vigor. The choice was lastly made to name a health care provider after Biden began working as much as numerous staffers with a rope toy in his mouth and nudging them together with his head in hopes that they’d play tug of battle with him, finally getting so excited on the prospect of enjoying that he by accident urinated on a rug. 

White Home doctor Kevin O’Connor then arrived and checked the president’s vitals earlier than letting him out onto the White Home garden, hoping that trotting a couple of laps across the property may assist him burn off his extra vitality. Nevertheless, this solely succeeded in riling the 78-year-old much more, to the purpose the place he was kicking up giant clods of grass and making a multitude of the landscaping. It then turned clear that the president’s zoomies weren’t going away, and the choice was made to crate Biden and medevac him to Walter Reed. 

“If allowed to go untreated, the zoomies can lead to critical harm and even dying for somebody the president’s age,” stated O’Connor in a press release to the press, including that, in his playful frenzy, Biden was at heightened threat of darting blindly out into site visitors and getting hit by a automobile. “Fortunately, President Biden is below one of the best medical care potential and has been responding properly to the Trazodone we gave him in a bit of cheese. His situation has been upgraded to steady, and we consider it can solely be a matter of hours earlier than he tires from rolling round on the bottom, wildly chasing squirrels, and eagerly presenting his stomach to staffers so that they’ll scratch him. Quickly he’ll be administered a bully stick to assist him relax, and if we are able to lull him into taking a pleasant, lengthy nap, we’re optimistic he’ll make a full restoration.” 

Wow. Fingers crossed he pulls via!

Kudos to the White Home medical employees and the medical doctors at Walter Reed for working so arduous to neutralize a scary scenario. Hopefully the president’s zoomies subside quickly in order that he can get again to main our nation. Get properly, Joe!

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