The world simply breathed a collective sigh of aid, because it was revealed that one among mankind’s biggest threats isn’t really a lot of a risk in any respect: Researchers have decided that Frankensteins aren’t actual.
Phew. Thank God.
Following an exhaustive five-year, $100 million examine into the horrible monster’s existence, researchers at Oxford College have conclusively decided that, whereas Frankensteins are certainly widespread fixtures in works of fiction and are undeniably very scary, there isn’t any proof of them current within the wild or within the laboratories of mad scientists. The researchers utilized a myriad of subtle strategies to show that the flat-headed, bolt-necked mongrels are legendary, together with trying in every single place for Frankensteins, asking weird-looking individuals in the event that they have been Frankensteins, performing cutting-edge uranium-thorium evaluation on 1000’s of fossil samples for indicators of Frankenstein DNA, and testing sewer programs all over the world for traces of Frankenstein piss—none of which produced any factual assist for the notion that Frankensteins are actual and lurking amongst us.
“We are able to state with practically 100% certainty that Frankensteins are, actually, completely fictional,” introduced lead researcher Aarna Dahwan, including that, upon rigorous investigation, most beforehand documented examples of Frankensteins in the actual world turned out to be both Halloween decorations or NBA Corridor of Famer Patrick Ewing. “We are able to all sleep rather more soundly figuring out that we not have to concern being terrorized by these inexperienced lumbering menaces.”
“Transferring ahead, if you happen to ever encounter a towering monster-looking man who’s limping in direction of you and moaning with outstretched arms, you possibly can relaxation assured that this isn’t a Frankenstein and you don’t have anything to fret about,” she continued.
Nonetheless, Dahwan went on to notice that, whereas Frankensteins are a fable, her staff did uncover definitive proof that wolfmen exist, though they appear to be comparatively innocent and don’t pose any risk to humanity at the moment.
Hey, so long as there aren’t any Frankensteins, we’re A-okay!
That is some severely great information, and we should always all take consolation figuring out that Frankensteins are imaginary and are by no means a hazard to our households and livestock. Kudos to this unbelievable staff of researchers for bettering the world by way of science!