In case you thought you have been having a tough week, you’ll be able to at the least be grateful that you simply aren’t dwelling out the situation that simply shook this unlucky man’s total world: This 38 year-old man simply realized the one retailer that carries pants that look good on him is City Outfitters.
God, that’s tough. Have to be a troublesome capsule to swallow.
After visiting numerous clothes shops and failing to discover a single pair of pants that he appeared respectable in, Sal Mendes, 38, of Phoenix, AZ, reluctantly scoped out the boys’s part of a neighborhood City Outfitters as a final resort. The sinking feeling in Sal’s intestine first started when he nearly instantly discovered a number of pairs of pants that have been within the actual types he’d been on the lookout for—and fabricated from good materials as well—all displayed simply mere toes away from Aly & AJ and AWOLNATION vinyl information, in addition to novelty stomach shirts mashing up the Rolling Stones emblem with Slimer from Ghostbusters. Moments later within the becoming room, as a Troye Sivan tune blasted from the ceiling audio system over the chatter of teenage ladies making an attempt on knee size Nirvana tees close by, his fears have been confirmed: the pants match completely completely, and so they truthfully appeared nice on him.
Oof. For a grown-ass man who’s married and balding, there’s one thing profoundly upsetting about wanting into an City Outfitters dressing room mirror and realizing that, by some means, it’s the good retailer for you.
Sadly, issues solely received worse for Sal when he received to the register and discovered that the value was surprisingly cheap, making it all of the extra seemingly that he’ll return to the hip retailer subsequent time he wants garments and as soon as once more should endure the indignity of being at the least 15 years older than each different buyer. Collectively, three pairs of City Outfitters pants value lower than what he was ready to drop on a single pair of khakis he barely even favored at Nordstrom, and there’s no manner that Sal will ever be capable to justify paying triple the value for pants simply to keep away from procuring on the similar retailer as bizarre green-haired hipster youngsters who have been born after 9/11. No, as Sal completed paying and began heading in direction of the exit—a stroll of disgrace by means of a number of cabinets of asinine novelty objects comparable to Child Yoda thongs, Rupi Kaur poetry books, a celebration sport known as What Do You Meme?, and a pastel-colored vibrator with a smiley face on it—he knew deep down in his coronary heart that he would someday be coming again.
Hold in there, Sal, and know you’re in our ideas. Nobody ought to should endure such humiliation simply to get a proper-fitting pair of pants, and we’re sorry you needed to undergo it. Right here’s hoping you’ll be able to bounce again from this hellish procuring expertise and finally come out of it a greater man. Keep robust.