Put together to really feel deeply disturbed, as a result of right here’s a narrative about one of the vital profoundly unhinged belongings you’ll ever hear: This child and his entire complete household love ingesting V8.
Huh. Fairly fucked up!
Information of this totally demented fixation first emerged when classmates of fifth grader Peter Haines observed that his bag lunches all the time include a thermos stuffed to the brim with the vegetable juice beverage V8. Fairly than being a one-off idiosyncrasy of a kid’s creating palate, nonetheless, visits to the Haines family have made it abundantly clear that each single member of this in any other case normal-seeming household seems to like ingesting V8 simply as a lot as Peter, together with his dad and mom and siblings knocking again the tomato-based drink as if it had been an precise regular drink like orange juice or soda. To be clear, their routine consumption of V8 is by no means coerced or incentivized by outdoors forces, and it seems to stem solely from some weird perversion of the thoughts that warps their actuality so totally as to make V8 seem to be an honest-to-God refreshing deal with despite the fact that it’s basically watered-down ketchup.
After all, we will completely perceive sure restricted situations that would make a small glass of V8 seem to be an inexpensive alternative, reminiscent of having some as an accompaniment to a grilled cheese sandwich when common tomato soup isn’t out there, however that’s not what’s occurring right here; these weirdos are downing the stuff down morning, midday, and night time. Mr. Haines doesn’t even ask earlier than setting a glass of V8 at everybody’s seats earlier than dinner, and the maniacs go as far as to maintain the bottle on the desk so anybody can prime themselves off with one other serving to of V8 at any time when they please, which happens with alarming frequency.
It will be one factor if this had been simply one thing the dad and mom compelled their youngsters to drink to get extra servings of greens or no matter, however each Mr. and Mrs. Haines—full adults with the power to drink something from espresso to wine to any of the common juices extensively out there at shops—willingly elect to devour V8 proper together with them, and worse, the entire household does so with what can solely be interpreted as real enjoyment. Have they got some form of unusual nostalgia for it, possibly? Like they used to stay off the grid and stockpiled a variety of V8 as a result of it’s shelf-stable till you open it? That wouldn’t clarify why they’d decide V8 over one thing like apple or grape juice, although. Possibly it’s some bizarre well being fad all of them purchase into, although once more, it appears unlikely that the youngsters would give a shit about that form of factor at their age. Hell, possibly all it boils all the way down to is that they’re freaks. That’s wanting increasingly like the one clarification that matches right here.
Wild to assume that individuals like this are on the market strolling amongst us!
“I went over to Peter’s to observe The Boondock Saints a number of weeks again, and when his mother introduced pizza as much as his room for us she additionally gave us two large glasses of V8, and I didn’t know what it was, and it smelled dangerous, however Peter actually favored it,” mentioned Connor DaSilva, a pal of Peter’s who witnessed the household’s maniacal beverage behavior up shut. “I assumed possibly they had been simply enjoying some form of joke on me, however by the point I bought again from happening to the kitchen to get a glass of water, Peter had already completed his V8, and when he noticed that I had water he requested if he may have my V8 too. It made me really feel uncomfortable.”
Christ, that is really some Twilight Zone-type shit. Casually ingesting V8 is troubling and improper, full cease. Nobody can moderately argue in any other case. Right here’s hoping Peter can develop a style for extra regular drinks before later, as the youngsters in center faculty and highschool positively received’t be as forgiving of his weird-as-shit V8 behavior.