There’s nothing extra disgusting than falsely exploiting the bravery of others to boost your individual public picture, and this son of a bitch is likely to be the worst case we’ve ever seen: This man is sporting a toupee regardless of having floor-length golden hair.
Oh, hell no. Not simply anybody can put on a toupee—you gotta earn that shit, motherfucker.
In a simply world, toupees would solely be worn by those that have really undergone the harrowing ordeal of male-pattern baldness, however absolute piece of shit Silas Blanchard has co-opted the toupee for his personal reputational acquire though he nonetheless possesses a sturdy mane of lush, flaxen hair. This imposter has no thought what it’s wish to awkwardly crane your neck up at a hand mirror angled at a toilet mirror to look at a widening bald spot, and whereas he most likely thinks he appears like scorching shit strutting round in that superior, stately toupee, he wouldn’t final one goddamn day trip in the true world if he was really affected by hair loss. Some males spend years, even many years, rubbing medicinal salves onto their scalps and sleeping in bizarre, non-FDA permitted electrode caps, however this Rapunzel-looking shitheel thinks he can simply skip all that and lower straight to the perks of toupee possession as if it’s merely a trend selection and never a complete lifestyle.
A part of what makes this so galling is how simply you possibly can see by his makes an attempt to cross himself off as an genuine toupee-wearer if you realize what to search for: He little question thinks it appears convincing how he reflexively claps a hand over his toupee at any time when a robust breeze comes up, however the radiant flowing locks billowing luxuriously out behind him ought to immediately set off alarm bells that this man’s not what he appears. He additionally ceaselessly asks whole strangers in the event that they’ve seen that he’s sporting a toupee, when an actual balding man would by no means draw consideration to their toupee so tactlessly, preferring as an alternative to easily put on it in quiet dignity. Maybe probably the most infuriating show we’ve seen got here after seagull snatched his toupee throughout a visit to the seashore, when he made a giant present of chasing after it and shouting, “My toupee! My toupee! I can’t reside with out my toupee!” regardless of trying straight out of a Pantene industrial together with his naturally beautiful tresses glimmering within the daylight.
Fucking hell, is nothing sacred?
We’d actually wish to rise up on this fraud’s face and confront him over his sickening, cowardly little masquerade. He might imagine he can stroll the stroll in that toupee, however subjecting him to just a little direct questioning like “Who was your training hair loss specialist, sir?” and “What hair transplant middle had been you handled at?” would expose him because the phony long-haired charlatan that he’s. After all there’s nothing inherently unsuitable with having a full head of splendid, lustrous hair so lengthy it could possibly tickle your ankles, however attempting to applicable the toupee if you don’t have the partially uncovered scalp to again it up is deception at its most bastardly.
Significantly—it is a bridge too fucking far.
What an totally contemptible lie this double-dealing asshole resides. Right here’s hoping he’ll come to his senses and cling up that toupee for good, or the toupee-respecting folks of this nation might need to take issues into our personal palms. Higher watch your again, fucko.